Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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