Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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