She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
