every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
