Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
