I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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