Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just threw up on my dentist
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
