He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
