I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
