Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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