I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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