This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
