then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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