How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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