Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
