the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So squirting runs in the family.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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