is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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