He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i came on her dog
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
