I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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