Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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