If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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