At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
