Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
