I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
