If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
