Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
