I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
