Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
