Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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