this must be what syphilis tastes like
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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