Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
