im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
