Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dignity is for republicans.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
