Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
