AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
