you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
