The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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