Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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