I should be sponsored by Trojan
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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