please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
