i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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