Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
