did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
