Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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