If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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