I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
