went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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