I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
