you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
