Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize