well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
