so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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