For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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