he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
