it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
