You're completely useless in the revolution.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
