There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
