I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize