I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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