We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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